All good things come to an end, our good times ended a long time ago

Main Entry: friendship
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: companionship
Synonyms: accord, acquaintanceship, affection, affinity, agreement, alliance, amiability, amicability, amity, association, attachment, attraction, benevolence, closeness, coalition, comity, company, concord, consideration, consonance, devotion, empathy, esteem, familiarity, favor, favoritism, fondness, friendliness, fusion, good will, harmony, intimacy, league, love, pact, partiality, rapport, regard, sociability, society, sodality, solidarity, understanding

Antonyms: enmity, hate, hatred

I ran into a recent acquaintance last night and the topic of severed friendships came up. We have both attempted to salvage a relationship with a particular person but have both more or less given up. I think to others who are close to situation, it appears as though I simply don’t care anymore and am being hateful by giving up; I disagree. I see how venomous I can become and would rather remove any element that would enable me to act in such a way from my social surrounding. I do not want to be spiteful, and if I continue my relationship with this person, I would undoubtedly become more aggressive (more so than I am already haha).

J. K. Rowling wrote Sirius Black as saying: "We've got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." I know who I want to be and I am not going to get there without making changes.

Of writing breaks and more...

I haven’t blogged in a while, whether it be on some of my public blogs or on my private one. I’ve had a lot to say, just no drive to put those thoughts into words. I didn’t think about it too much until I came across this post. I used to be very proud of my writing skills when I was younger, acing all my essays and creative writing pieces throughout high school. When I started university though, those abilities have fallen behind. I prioritized organizing my thoughts better and making my point – because who in technology actually cares for how the written word is structured?

I think it’s time to get back to improving my writing though. Becoming better at being more understandable and writing posts that people enjoy reading; becoming more of the person I used to be before university.

In that light, I suppose it’s time to face my greatest failure in the recent past. Meeting with a group of people and finding out that you really aren’t as impressionable as you like to be is a blow to the ego that I had to experience to realize that I need to bring my life back on track. I have certain short-term goals and aspirations, but simply talking and fantasizing about them will not yield any results. Any level of success needs a stable and actionable plan, which I have started to formulate. The next steps are to research and decide which path is best for me, and then start to follow it with all I have.

Who Am I?

Everyday that passes brings me one day closer to moving back home with the parentals. It’s not that I hate my family or have some sort of repressed issues with them, I think I’ve just grown to the freedom and independence of living as a single unit away from the politics of family life.

It’s not just about having the freedom or mobility to just up and meet whoever I want to meet and do whatever I want to do, it’s about having someone to answer to. I’ve gone the past five years without having to tell someone why I am doing something, where I am going and when I will be back. I have spent quite a few days alone, reading, writing or watching tv in solitude because I enjoyed doing so. I have gone out when I wanted to. I have never had to answer for my moods. This was all change once I move back home.

The moving part is inevitable I suppose, and honestly I’ve had five wonderful years filled with experiences that will last me a lifetime. If I am being honest with myself, what bugs me the most is realizing that my life is progressing a lot faster than I want it to. All through my formative years (aka middle & high school), all I wanted to do was grow up and be taken seriously. Once I hit grade 12, I desperately clutched at the passing days of my final semester in fear of how different life would be in university. I cried, kicked a fuss and threw tantrums with my ego, hoping to convince myself that university was not the place for me and to take a year off to find myself.

In the end, responsibility prevailed and I ended up joining university, where I had the most amazing time of my life. Each day I met with new challenges which ultimately made me grow as a person. Living alone was a huge plus, but meeting a diverse group of people at school was the best lesson I could have learned.

I went through my days at school not realizing what I had, looking forward to completing each course and getting a decent grade. I made friends effortlessly, sometimes losing them just as easily. I experienced lust, deception, jealousy, courage, betrayal, heartbreak, and true love. I met some people who I paid little regard to, others who I held too high in esteem. I treated some people with excessive love and respect, others with none whatsoever. I met those people that have stood by me through all the troubles in the recent past, and have never judged me too severely for the questionable things I have done.

All this I realize now, not even six months after graduation. I long for the days I was a scared freshmen heading to the first day of my class. I want to go back in time and experience everything all over again. Because, though I’m trying to avoid doing this, I’ve had to take a look at my life and I have no idea where I’m going or who I’m supposed to be.

Hello World

I live in Toronto and have a tendency to overthink.

I analyze everything that happens, from the overly exciting to the ridiculously mundane – hoping that my careful examination of passing events/conversations/happenings will somehow reveal the answer to all of my questions. With all that analysis, my brain sometimes goes a little neurotic (poor thing doesn’t expect to be worked this much) and there is no place for my jumbled thoughts to go. The most obvious answer I’ve been toying with is to write in a public blog of my own, and by publishing this my idea has finally come to fruition.

I'm a 20-something living in the heart of Toronto, the best city in Canada. I love meeting new people, going out, doing stupid things, eating out and experiencing new things. I have recently graduated from Ryerson University, successfully completing the Information Technology Management (ITM) co-op program there and currently work as an analyst in the public sector in downtown Toronto.

Till later then.

Toodles